“I wouldn’t wish transsexuality on my worst enemy”
So, is it really helpful to describe being trans as such a horrible fate that we’d wish death on other people before trans?
I admit, I get rather uncomfortable when I read that, or I see someone thanking god that her child isn’t trans, or otherwise expressing that being trans is a horrible fate. I think that the problem with being trans is cultural and probably technological in some ways, but not personal. There’s nothing wrong or bad or abnormal about being trans, and it’s only cisnormativity that tells us that it’s a fate worse than death.
Exactly, I agree with you here wholeheartedly.
I couldn’t have dealt with the bad if it were not for keeping a positive outlook on the experience.
Squigglefish
October 25, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Yeah. I mean, it just plays into the Zuckeresque idea that being trans is something to avoid, a “negative outcome” and I think it’s just another normal outcome.
The idea that it’s bad contributes to the way society treats us.
Lisa Harney
October 25, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Agreed fully. I /like/ being Trans and it really irritates me when people go on about how freaky we are and how it’s the most terrible, miserable fate in the whole world. And my personal feelings about my Trans status aside, I agree that it’s entirely counterproductive.
Michael
October 25, 2008 at 4:36 pm
There are ways in which I find being trans can be inconvenient, and sometimes downright depressing, but it’s hardly unique in that regard.
A fate worse than death, though? Hardly! I think it’s been the making of me as a human being.
Sarah Brown
October 25, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I wouldn’t wish cisssexuality on my worst enemy.
Heh.
GallingGalla
October 25, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Michael,
Exactly. I admit I do take it personally when I see someone else lament how being trans is just an awful existence.
Sarah,
Yeah, it’s not like being trans doesn’t have problems and is always happiness and roses, but so do a host of other human conditions.
GG,
I love you. :)
Lisa Harney
October 25, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Most of the associated pain of the trans comes from the bigotry of other people, not an inherent quality of the trans itself.
z
October 25, 2008 at 5:11 pm
GG: Love from here, too! That’s my sort of thinking ;)
Michael: I tend to feel very sorry for people like that, it really cannot be fun or that healthy to think like that :(
Lisa: “The idea that it’s bad contributes to the way society treats us.”
It is a vicious circle. Firstly, it primes society to believe that it is bad, which also in turn sets social expectations upon their actions (that they can, and should, cause hassle). But secondly, it also damages the confidence of trans people themselves, and confidence is one of the most important tricks to survival for anyone. I saw someone on a community lament how all the trans people they know “are dysfunctional”, and the effect of living in cis society, and having confidence destroyed may create this false and flawed impression (who are they to be so ableist? ¬.¬), which only makes the social priming on this worse and worse and the cycle continues :(
Squigglefish
October 25, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Yeah, that’s what I meant by “cultural,” Z.
Yeah, I’ve been seeing statements elsewhere that trans people are nearly always narcissistic and so on, because of psychiatric comorbidities…but I think some comorbidities do exist pre-transition. That is, I don’t think it’s ableist to acknowledge the depression I experienced before I started estrogen.
Lisa Harney
October 25, 2008 at 5:24 pm
This person was talking about post-transition trans people being dysfunctional. What was clear is that they were using it in what felt like an ableist way, talking not of mental health difficulties, but rather of imposing their own standards upon their lives.
The difference between seeing someone is dysfunctional and discovering that it was thanks to depression, and seeing that someone is depressed and labelling them as dysfunctional, is vast and significant.
Transition is a very personal thing, and some people do find it harder than others to deal with the effects that society has, and may end up appearing to exhibit worsened mental health (but more through the failure of support systems than anything else). Transition often requires a personal reassessment of society’s constructs, which may mean that some people will realise that they themselves have no desire to adhere to certain standards, and although they may be leading fulfilling lives and getting things done, others may see their lack of adherence as dysfunctional.
Squigglefish
October 25, 2008 at 5:54 pm
All good points.
Lisa Harney
October 25, 2008 at 5:57 pm
well, to repeat an old adage, fix the disease, not the symptoms.
i think, unfortunately, someone who says something like that is thus suffering from the symptoms of transphobia and not actually fixing the disease that is transphobia.
algormortis
October 25, 2008 at 6:11 pm
I’ve never really understood the idiom/phrase “wouldn’t wish X on my worst enemy”. I mean, to me that implies that you view X as a good, not bad, thing, and yet the way the phrase is commonly used seems to be to call X an extremely bad thing.
Kind of like “I could care less”, when, for me, “I couldn’t care less” would make a lot more sense…
There are certainly people (eg Kenneth Zucker, Matthew Israel, Janice Raymond) on whom i would wish gender dysphoria without the possibility of ever transitioning*, but that’s an entirely different thing…
*well, if i was the sort of person who believed that “poetic/karmic justice” sort of thing could achieve anything. Pragmatically, i’d probably just kill them in the cheapest and most ecologically efficient way possible…
shiva
October 25, 2008 at 6:34 pm
The idea is that it is so horrible, so awful, that you wouldn’t even wish it on the person you hate most.
But, of course, it’s not by itself that bad. What makes it bad is transphobia.
Also, just want it to be clear that you’re speaking in the hypothetical about killing, that you’re not literally saying it. :)
Lisa Harney
October 25, 2008 at 6:38 pm
I think it depends on how one sees being trans. If it’s seen as strictly a medical condition, like diabetes, then I think it is understandable how one wouldn’t want anybody to go through that. It’s expensive to fix and in many (if not most) cases, it’s guaranteed that there will be a lot of crap to put up with from family, friends, and society at large.
I personally am on the fence about it. It hasn’t made my life any better. I had enough crap on my plate (Asperger’s & depression, to name two things) without adding to it further. Because of this, I’ve lost my family, I’m afraid of losing my job even though I know they would be in breach of contract if they fired me over it. I’m afraid of being denied a promotion or being fired for specious reasons (gotta love hire at-will states). I have to thoroughly research companies before I even decide to apply to work for them. All of that, I would not wish on my worst enemy. I know none of it is my fault, that those are societal problems that are a result of transphobia. But if I had the choice to have been born a cissexual male, I’d seriously consider it, just like if I had the chance to be born without AS. Only in the latter case, there are actually many good things I can think of that result from it!
It does affect my worldview, but for me it’s come at the cost of several years’ worth of a quality of life, if that makes any sense.
Chris
October 25, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Yeah, I agree with a lot of that – it’s the distinction between “being trans” and “experiencing transphobia” that someone made further up.
There’s other stuff, like technological limitations (I was thinking specifically of phalloplasty when I wrote that) and lack of insurance coverage for being trans.
Lisa Harney
October 25, 2008 at 11:33 pm
While I would never say anything like the first couple of statements (and indeed believe being transsexual to be completely value neutral)–I think there is more than internalized transphobia at play for me w/r/t my mixed emotions around *being* transsexual, myself.
jayinchicago
October 26, 2008 at 2:13 am
Yeah, that’s what I was trying to get at in my post – being trans is just like being cis, except, well, for not being cis. It’s not worse or better.
But society makes sure the experience is painful. :(
Lisa Harney
October 26, 2008 at 2:15 am
I think society is clearly a lot to blame, but there are parts of it for me that are less…having to do with that. Like not wanting to have surgery, and scars, and possible loss of sensation, and worries about function. Also, thinking about injecting weekly for years (or at least until a better method gets approved here) is depressing. And depending on big pharma so much. also, issues around fertility and family creation.
jayinchicago
October 26, 2008 at 2:28 am
oh, i should say–i wasn’t really responding to the original post, but to some of the comments.
jayinchicago
October 26, 2008 at 2:30 am
I also mentioned technology being a problem! I was thinking of phalloplasty when I said it, but trans people not wanting surgery or hormone therapy (or being wary of it) also qualifies.
What cis people believe about hormones and surgery is, of course, completely irrelevant.
Lisa Harney
October 26, 2008 at 2:31 am
Well, with stem cells and nanotech and all that, I assume eventually a lot of those more techy problems can be fixed (probably not in my lifetime. sigh.) And in reading inspiring stories of early puberty blocking interventions and pre-18 year old HRT–I think I need both a time machine and at least 500 years to wait for tech to catch up. (:
jayinchicago
October 26, 2008 at 2:40 am
Oh, yeah, definitely. I expect we’re less than 20 years away from using stem cells to grow just about anything we need, depending on whether we can actually get real research going or if the religious right will continue to fight it.
Lisa Harney
October 26, 2008 at 2:43 am
i think the thing that messed me about when i was younger, and played a major part in my coming to terms with my gender issues, was the deeply held belief that i-could-be-trans, being-trans-was-bad, i-was-crazy-to-think-that-i-should-be-a-girl, the-world-would-fall-apart-if-i-tried-to-be-a-girl, etc. those deeply held convictions, picked up from the environment around me, really helped to repress my gender issues and twist them into something i still kinda resent.
so, yeah. i think being transexual is a ballache on so many levels just by itself, not taking into account cultural and social influenecs, but it’s not shock/horror, the worst thing that could happen to you. in fact, when i actually started to just get on with it i was kinda amazed at how *normal* it all was, you know?
alma cork
October 26, 2008 at 4:49 am
I believe it’s impossible to make such a statement, nor do I believe it’s possible to refute it absolutely. The one thing I’ve realised is that there is no general transgender experience and there are no concrete conclusions to be drawn from it. We all experience it so differently, or at least we rationalise it internally so differently, that this renders our personal narratives impossible to aggregate. Maybe this will change as more sophisticated and commonly accepted narratives emerge.
Is the “experience” of transexuality horrible ? Well, for me being male was horrible. It was like getting “chinese water torture” every day of my adult like, only right in the centre of my brain, the itch you can’t scratch and slowly drives you crazy. Hormone treatment was the cure for that, the pain melted away like morning dew in six weeks. I remember looking around me and thinking “so this is what normal (hmmm) people feel like all the time”.
But just because it stops hurting doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with the aftermath of that hurt. I have decades worth to cope with and, as the song goes, some days are better than others. But whatever the challenges let no one mis-understand; my very lowest low now I’m on hormones is better than my very highest high before. Not because I was never happy as a male, but because my life has a focus now I’m female.
HelenGB
October 26, 2008 at 5:05 am
Is it impossible to say that being trans is inherently neutral, or was there another statement that’s impossible to refute or make?
I just look at it like this – in a society that accepts trans people, transitioning would be easy or even facilitated. Without that acceptance, we get, well, lots of shit.
Lisa Harney
October 26, 2008 at 5:10 am
[...] did strike me as interesting in light of Lisa’s post at Questioning Transphobia on “I wouldn’t wish transsexuality on my worst enemy.” If nothing else, the assertion that ‘those who detransition do so due to outside [...]
Linkblogging: RLE and detransitioning « Ping Your Spaceman
October 26, 2008 at 7:59 am
I say it.
Often.
The reason I say it is based purely in the cultural aspects of going through transition and the way it negatively affects one’s life.
Transitioning cost me everything that I valued most in my life.
This was, to a great degree, because I did not particularly value myself.
Losing everything? No. I would not wish that on my enemy.
Theres a flip side, though.
Transitioning gave me an entire new life, and whole new set of things to value, that I value *more* (with one exception) and that I find to be one of the greatest boons in my life.
Gaining all of that?
No. I would not wish that on my enemy.
Is being trans terrible, in and of itself? No. Indeed, if one uses Biblical references, its a blessing that gives greater celestial place.
Why? Most likely because of the cultural crap that accompanies it.
hope that helps ;) (and I’m gonna blog this, lol)
dyssonance
October 28, 2008 at 12:33 am
Nah, all that makes sense.
I didn’t mean by posting this that people shouldn’t have their own relationship with being trans, just…talking about being trans as a horrible fate depresses me. :(
Lisa Harney
October 28, 2008 at 12:35 am
LOL
Being trans isn’t bad. Its just different.
And as at least one company has noted: different is good.
Grammar be damned, lol…
On a related note, from the comments, I also fel compelled to say that dumb ass me forget to pull the links, but a couple of decent studies have now demonstrated that while *prior* to transition we have a *higher* prevalence of co-morbidity, post transition we lose them.
The take away from that was that due in a strong part to our forcefully adopting a false persona, we tend to develop what are otherwise considered co-morbid conditions as coping stratagems, and that through the process of transition, aligning and all that, we tend to find we no longer need them.
The studies actually showed that post transition, we have significantly *less* likelihood of a comorbidity than the general public (ie, we’re more normative than the typical individual).
There are a high degree of narcisstic types that are *transgender*. Broken down, its rather interesting to note, however, that 1 – the degree is relatively minor, and 2 – its not uniform across the subsets within the transgender umbrella. SOme are more likely to have it than others.
dyssonance
October 28, 2008 at 12:45 am
Amusingly, the one good support group I was in (composed of four people – and we became friends) started up around the time that Arby’s started the “Different is Good” campaign, and one of the other participants liked to point that out, as we occasionally ate at Arby’s after the group.
Lisa Harney
October 28, 2008 at 12:48 am
I always remember the whole “little. yellow. Different” campaign, too…
dyssonance
October 28, 2008 at 1:04 am
I read that phrase quite differently than you do, Lisa.
I wouldn’t wish being trans on anybody else.
But not because I perceive that it is an awful thing, or that it plays into the ethos of the trans-hostile – but rather because it is part of my experience of the world that makes me who I am – I do not want others to walk the same path I have, I want to enjoy it for the beauty it has revealed to me.
I want to share me with the world, not the path I have walked to get here.
(* That said, I cringe everytime I hear that phrase too – because it is so often said with such fervor by people who have no real clue *)
MgS
October 28, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Oh, I agree we can have different takes on it, but I think that a lot of the time, it’s clearly someone saying “being trans is a [horrible] fate [worse than death].”
“I wouldn’t wish [...] on my worst enemy” is also a phrased used about other “horrible fates”.
Lisa Harney
October 28, 2008 at 4:09 pm
As much as it’s ridiculous to act like it’s a terrible thing to be trans, I can understand the sentiment in so far as I want the people I care about to have as little reason for people to aim bigotry at the as possible. In the same way that there isn’t a damn thing wrong with being gay or bi or whatever, but I’ve had such a shitty time with it sometimes that I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to deal with it. I’d wish the world less shitty before I’d wish differences gone, though.
minna
November 3, 2008 at 3:42 am
Yes, yes, yes. The only thing keeping trans’ness from being just another aspect of life, with all its natural ups and downs, is (drumroll, please): TRANSPHOBIA!
Catherine Fertel
November 10, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Yeah well, for me, there’s two main things here, one is the dealing with transphobia, which I’m sure we could all do without, but the other is being born with what seems to me is a medical disability. Not that I want that to sound ablist!haha
Then that second thing breaks down into another two things. Firstly, wishing that I could have lived with a body that I was happy with from birth. How anyone can say that living with physical gender dysphoria is okay is beyond me! Being able to have children if I wanted to, and an anatomy that is correct and healthy. Even after corrective surgery it isn’t as correct as it could be, y’know, I don’t lubricate when I get turned on and other intimate stuff that I won’t go into here. Then there’s all the shitty stuff that male hormones did to my body and my mind, acne scarring, masculinising parts of me that I could only have undone with more surgeries, maybe I will, maybe I won’t, but it’s all more stuff to overcome, taking time away from other things I could be doing.
Then there’s the other side. Being TS means that I have an immeasurably more compassionate take on the world, because of how much pain I have had, and how much I have had to overcome, fighting to believe in myself in the face of all the disempowerment that has been put on me and all that stuff.
So in the end it has made me a better person than I would have been if I had been born an ordinary cisgendered female. And that is the nature of the world and reality. This is all we have so we have to make the best of it. If it can happen it will happen, and it’s got to happen to someone. The challenge of overcoming imperfection.
This has been an amazing adventure and it has made me who I am, a totally more individual and unique person than I would have been had I not been ts. But I still lament the things that I missed, the incompleteness that I have and will always experience, the pain and grief that has been an inevitable part of this journey of who I am.
And that is life on the material plane. The good and the bad. All contradiction, I would not give up who I am, but I wish it could have been otherwise, that I could have been complete.
Screwy!
Claire
November 11, 2008 at 4:44 pm
There are good things about being trans and bad things as well, as with everything else in life. I don’t see it as bad, I just see it as a part of who I am and therefore, it’s good.
Jessica Sideways
November 23, 2008 at 4:22 pm