How You Can Help Celebrate Ian Benson’s Life
Tough Like a Creampuff has a bit of an update:
If you’d like to help celebrate ian’s memory, and the memory of so many other trans* people whose lives ended much too prematurely, you can join in the amethyst ribbon campaign. donations/purchases can be made here.
I’m also disappointed to see that news stories use Ian’s birth name. It’s dehumanizing and disrespectful to refuse to use the names we choose for ourselves when talking about us.
November 5, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Gah, did you read the article linked to in Creampuff’s post? It used his birth name and female pronouns. grr…
November 5, 2007 at 10:33 pm
I did. As usual, it’s a trigger for me.
November 6, 2007 at 12:18 am
In keeping with the discussion can we change the label for this post?
Ian was in the process of having his name legally changed to Ian Benson.
We know that he would be really happy if everyone referred to him by that name.
The Amethyst Ribbon Campaign is now officially named the Ian Benson Project at the request of his family.
Thanks so much for considering this request.
Kim Pearson
Executive Director
TransYouth Family Advocates
November 6, 2007 at 12:20 am
Done. Thank you letting me know.
November 10, 2007 at 8:05 am
I have googled every variation of his name in the past week or two; while I never called him anything but Ian, I don’t expect reporters to always do the same.
Ian and I were very close; his depression was not a by-product of being transgendered. I wish these articles wouldn’t always attribute his death to that. Yes, that was a big part of who he was, but that’s not why he killed himself. He killed himself because he was depressed and wanted help, but nothing seemed to be helping.
I have never missed anyone this much. :/ Thank you for the kind words about an amazing person.
November 11, 2007 at 12:14 am
I’m sorry, I was reacting badly to also finding that news stories mentioned the name - I’ll edit the post to direct the blame at the stories.
I quoted and linked, but I couldn’t find any evidence in what I read that his suicide was directly about being trans, and I hope I did not imply it.
I am really sorry about your loss. It’s not right for this to have happened, and it is wrong that he couldn’t get help. :(
I also apologize for taking all day to respond - I had to run out the door almost immediately after approving your post, and other things got my attention.
November 13, 2007 at 5:12 am
Ginni and all,
I want to clear up some of the misconceptions that occur because of your post. I work with and am good friends with Ian’s mother and do know more than most.
Let me begin by saying this….Ian had all the help and resources in the world and he CHOSE not to utilize them. Ian was involved in intense counseling, was on medications and had all the resources available to him for suicide prevention, help lines, etc. (His mother co-founded a national organization for God’s sakes!) A large portion of Ian’s depression WAS related to the fact that he was trans. There were transition issues and feelings of isolation due to being trans. These were things that his parents DID know…there was more that Ian CHOSE not to tell them.
What you do not know is that there were two sides to Ian. He apparently cried out for help from certain friends (none of whom talked to his parents about it until AFTER his death) and continually told his parents and the therapist(S) that he was fine. The professionals that were involved in Ian’s life could not get him to open up and talk about what was going on. His parents took him to more than one professional and offered Ian every opportunity to open up and talk about what was wrong….They pledged their undying love and support for him and BEGGED him to open up to them so that they could help him….he CHOSE not to.
Not one of us will ever know the pain that Ian endured while on this earth. We can only speculate until the day we meet him in heaven and ask him face to face. Until then, we need to stand in support of those left behind…..his family. As friends, we feel his loss too, but the ultimate loss lies with his parents and siblings who are left behind to ask why.
Ian’s family has chosen to not dwell on the questions that they can never answer. They have chosen to use Ian’s death to create something positive…The Ian Benson Amethyst Ribbon Campaign. You can learn more about it at http://www.imatyfa.org. Please take the time to check it out and in Ian’s honor and memory, teach others about what it means to be trans. Help someone else avoid the pain that ultimately led Ian to take his own life.
November 13, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Thank you for posting, Shannon.
November 14, 2007 at 2:47 pm
sorry for the mixup, all. the reason for the difference in pronouns and name usage was from the direct links and emails i’d received. of course i never intended to offend anyone, and i apologize if i did.
November 14, 2007 at 2:53 pm
also, i did notice the pronoun and name differences. but i also didn’t want to muddy what was being said along other avenues. editorializing on ian’s death at this point would just be exhausting for me. honestly, i was shocked that the howell newspaper printed anything at all. yet again, lisa, i really appreciate your blog. :)
November 14, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I was frustrated about the articles I read, and took it out on the people finding me with google, which was wrong of me.
It wasn’t easy to find a lot of stuff - like Ian’s last name being Benson - without people who had firsthand information dropping in to say so.
November 15, 2007 at 8:28 am
and to correct myself YET AGAIN, i just noticed i put howell newspaper above instead of holland. my brain is scrambled eggs as of late :)